how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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