R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
