Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
did you just send me my own nude
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
