in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
