man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
