I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
