the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
