Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
