Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize