plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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