Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
