I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
