I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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