if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize