My ATM looks so different sober.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize