Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am available for nakedness
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
why is half of my head shaved?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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