If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Farmville is her only friend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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