Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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