Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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