Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
