He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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