i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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