Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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