but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
