could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
