lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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