hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize