just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
