you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
