I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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