I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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