I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize