I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.