Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever