His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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