my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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