dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
