Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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