and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
