can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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