I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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