I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy