I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore