I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol