Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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