That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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