For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
