We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
