Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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