I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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