My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
