It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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