i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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