I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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