I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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